Monday, February 28, 2011

Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me

I love pirates. My love for pirates all started when I saw Pirates of the Caribbean four times in theaters in the 8th grade.
Johnny Depp is uber sexy. I'm not sure what makes him sexier, his general attractiveness or the pirate attire. Perhaps the guyliner? Funny thing about guyliner: very few not every guy can pull it off. Yet, every emo/artsy/I-don't'give-a-damn-about-my-bad-reputation rock star (Props to Joan Jett) thinks they can.

For instance, take Green Day's lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong. Totally pulling off the guyliner look.
One of the other band members,  Frank Edwin Wright III (aka TrĂ© Cool), not so much.

Maybe I'm just not into the "emo/artsy/I-don't-give-a-damn-about-my-bad-reputation" look like my future roommate MM. (She also says Brendon Urie from Panic! at the Disco pulls it off too, but I'm not convinced.)

You know who can pull it off? Dustin Hoffman in Hook. He pulls off looking like a crazed, pirate lunatic. Yet, wearing guyliner enhances this ensemble and creates a believable character. Random aside: Dustin Hoffman is a fantastic actor. He is a close second in versatility to Mr. Depp.
And this picture is just so lovely. It would be a perfect addition to any home. Specifically over the fireplace.
So, my final thoughts on guyliner are this:
Only pirates should be allowed to wear it, because obviously they are the only characters with the ability to consistently pull it off. 

Kevin Kline in Pirates of Penzance. Pretty snazzy, ehh? (He just looks Canadian to me. Not exactly sure why.....)

And my all-time favorite, because I just love Jason Segel. :)

Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Oscars are coming! The Oscars are coming!

The Oscars are officially here and I'm am jumping up and down in my seat like fat kid hyped up on mountain dew pretty excited. Right now, I'm watching E's pre-Academy Awards show. Reese Witherspoon and Sandra Bullock are always elegant so they obvs look beautiful. But, Christian Bale's hobo-beard needs to go. For reals, he looks like a pedophile.

Or, better! He looks like the Deliverance mountain men who live in log cabins and play banjo music.

                                             (Dooooo doooo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo).

 However, Steve Martin plays banjo. And He makes it look normal and GASP almost cool.  
Why is it that banjos are synonymous with mountain men? Or Deliverance? Banjos are respectable instruments; they sound pretty cool. They're very similar to ancient greek musical instruments (lyres). So, why is it that such a wonderful instrument would be resigned to mountain men and tax evaders? (I can only assume that Thoreau was doing this while stuck in the woods. What else would he have been doing??) Two words brought the demise of this instrument: Country Music.

 This is how I feel every time I listen to country music. I would rather have all my teeth pulled, run head-first into a brick wall, and roll around in a sewer. Well, that's not entirely true. I'd have to be wearing a hazmat suit when I roll around in the sewer. What with anti-biotic resistance bacteria and fungi, have to be safe ya know?
 Basically, country music sounds exactly the same. They use the same 5 chords and every artist sings about the same thing. I lost my job, because my two-timin' strumpet of a wife/girlfriend (who also happens to work at a Honky Tonk bar) cheated on me and I was too drunk to remember to go to work.
I even got into an argument with my friend BMilll about this. If country music didn't have to include banjos, it might be a lot better. It might have a chance if singers sang about things other than getting drunk and tractors, too.

Wow, this post was supposed to be about the Oscars. Anyway, these are some of my predictions:
Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo (just announced)
Supporting Actor: Christian Bale
Best Actress: Natalie Portman
Best Actor: Colin Firth
Best Picture: King's Speech

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Sunscreen and Spirits and Spring Break...Oh my!

So, SB2K11 is coming up soon. For some schools, it's already here/happening/happened. It also means bikini bottoms. And I don't mean SpongeBob Squarepants' choice of inhabitance.

Random aside: How hilarious is it that Mr. Krabbs lives in Bikini Bottom. Oh irony....

So, I love spring break don't get me wrong. Spring Break is awesome. I went to the quintessential SB spot last year  (PCB) with a bunch of friends and had a LOT of fun. But, every time spring break comes along I always panic.
It would be awesome if I could just wish myself thinner to my pre-Christmas break size, but it never happens. So I spend 3 months crash dieting/going to the gym 8x a day (Slight exaggeration, but you get the idea). It's probably good that I'm going home and working this spring break (and possibly making a weekend trip to Hilton Head...), but I can't shake the whole crash-diet/lose weight for sb2k11 fever. And shopping for bikini bottoms does nothing to help this.
I bet TrimSpa is making a lot of money right now, though. And without Anna Nicole.