Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Oscars are coming! The Oscars are coming!

The Oscars are officially here and I'm am jumping up and down in my seat like fat kid hyped up on mountain dew pretty excited. Right now, I'm watching E's pre-Academy Awards show. Reese Witherspoon and Sandra Bullock are always elegant so they obvs look beautiful. But, Christian Bale's hobo-beard needs to go. For reals, he looks like a pedophile.

Or, better! He looks like the Deliverance mountain men who live in log cabins and play banjo music.

                                             (Dooooo doooo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo).

 However, Steve Martin plays banjo. And He makes it look normal and GASP almost cool.  
Why is it that banjos are synonymous with mountain men? Or Deliverance? Banjos are respectable instruments; they sound pretty cool. They're very similar to ancient greek musical instruments (lyres). So, why is it that such a wonderful instrument would be resigned to mountain men and tax evaders? (I can only assume that Thoreau was doing this while stuck in the woods. What else would he have been doing??) Two words brought the demise of this instrument: Country Music.

 This is how I feel every time I listen to country music. I would rather have all my teeth pulled, run head-first into a brick wall, and roll around in a sewer. Well, that's not entirely true. I'd have to be wearing a hazmat suit when I roll around in the sewer. What with anti-biotic resistance bacteria and fungi, have to be safe ya know?
 Basically, country music sounds exactly the same. They use the same 5 chords and every artist sings about the same thing. I lost my job, because my two-timin' strumpet of a wife/girlfriend (who also happens to work at a Honky Tonk bar) cheated on me and I was too drunk to remember to go to work.
I even got into an argument with my friend BMilll about this. If country music didn't have to include banjos, it might be a lot better. It might have a chance if singers sang about things other than getting drunk and tractors, too.

Wow, this post was supposed to be about the Oscars. Anyway, these are some of my predictions:
Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo (just announced)
Supporting Actor: Christian Bale
Best Actress: Natalie Portman
Best Actor: Colin Firth
Best Picture: King's Speech

1 comment:

  1. Oh em gee, you're totes right. So not a good look for Batman. And I really hope Nat Port doesn't win. I don't want the curse to affect her!